sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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