Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
