Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm always down for nudity.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
