the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
