I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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