awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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