After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
