and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
