Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Where is the hickey?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
