I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
false alarm. still invincible.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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