you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
