two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
