I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
