i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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