This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
