bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
