Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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