The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
