pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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