Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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