When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
