Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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