Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
