I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
