dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
