i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
