went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
