Plan B is the new Plan A
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
