we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
