Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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