member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
