just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You ruined the universe
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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