Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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