Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
