I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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