I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
