Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
