Are we in a gay sports bar?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
