You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
