I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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