You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
