My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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