just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
