wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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