Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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