im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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