Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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