and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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