The maid of honor just puked.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
