there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
