I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
